Happy 2020 to you all. Let’s hope it’s as fantastic a year as our prime minister promises.

… and for all of you making new year resolutions – here are a few one-liners.

• My new year resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask what my new year resolution is!
• My Doctor says my weight is perfect for someone  11 feet tall.  (3.3 metres if you’re a youngster!)
• I’m going to encourage my friends to gain 10 pounds (4.5kg) to make me look thinner.
• And God, please make my body thin and my bank account fat. I think  you got it the wrong way around last year!
• May your troubles last no longer than your new year resolutions.